Life sucks sometimes. And that's what God want us to know. You can't expect everything to go smoothly as planned. There will be some devastating moments. There will be some moments where you feel like the world has abandoned you. You feel lost and you don't seem to find the purpose of life anymore. The life that you always wanted to have is within your reach. You no longer see yourself as who you are before this. You totally change to a different person. A person that you never imagine yourself to be.

I'll take people in Japan as an example. Quake, tsunami, radiation. Nobody in this world ever imagine that all these will happen. But one thing I admire those victims in Japan is that they do not give up. They showed support to each other even though they lost everything. They still see the light and hope that miracle will happen someday. That's what I need to learn from them.

Lots of things in my mind lately. It seems that I have lost the purpose of study. I don't find study as interesting and challenging like what I used to think. It's like I'm forcing myself to do what I do not want to do. I seriously do not know what happened to me. Just feel lost in some way. I used to get excited attending class because that's when I can catch up with my friends. But now, I hate the sight of college. Everytime I went into the class, I couldn't see the sight of all my classmates that I used to see for the past two years. Everyone looks so strange to me now. Maybe one of the reasons is that I depend too much on my friends before this that I could not accept being independent and alone.

The first thing that always comes into my mind when I usually make my decisions is friends. Will I lose them if I choose to do this? What will happen to me if they are not by my side? I might seem stupid here because I make decisions without thinking what's best for me. Someone makes me realise that I should think of myself first before thinking about others. My future lies on me and not my friends. Friends will come and go. They can't hold my hands for the rest of their life. Because of that, I make a decision that's best for me. And now, I'm trying so hard to cope with my new life. A life where I need to do everything alone and be independent. I feel like giving up sometimes but something holds me back.

Sometimes, I can't accept the fortune that others experiencing in their life. I tend to get jealous of them. They got everything and yet I'm still stuck with my bad luck. Now, I start to appreciate them because I know that one day, I'll be one of them. I start to see things differently, in a positive way. I do not want to torture myself because of them. They have their life and I have mine. Just that my glory days come a bit later.

Sorry for being so emotional here. I hate behaving this way. But I can no longer tolerate anymore. I feel much better now after letting out everything.


Note to self: Start to appreciate everything that others have and what you do not have. Open your heart because that's the only way you will see how beautiful the world is. Do not torture yourself with all the negative thoughts. Enjoy your life as much as you can as you have only one chance to live and see the world.